It's Time to Break Up with Food Rules
How often do you use words like should, shouldn’t, must and can’t when it comes to food?
“I should eat this”
“I can’t eat that”
“I must stop eating”
“I shouldn’t be so hungry”
…and how often do you use words like want, don’t want, feel and choose?
“I want to eat this”
“I don’t want to eat that”
“I feel hungry”
“I feel full”
“I choose to eat”
So often we ignore what we desire or disregard what our body tells us, and instead focus on what we feel like we should be doing. In fact, many of us have rules around food but we aren’t even aware of them. They’re those pesky thoughts you have that often dictate your choices based on beliefs that are often shrouded in mixed messaging around food and health, emotions like shame or fear, judgemental attitudes, and thinking that you need to fix or change your body.
What’s important to point out is that you’re not born with these rules…you’ve picked them up somewhere along the way. They may have formed when you were just a kid, they might be messages you’ve heard in the media, they may be something a friend said in passing once that’s stuck with you…they can come from all sorts of places but they’re housed deep in your thoughts and like to pop up on a daily basis to impact your food choices.
If you’re unsure exactly what I mean when I say food rules, here are a few common examples
I can’t eat fruit because it has too much sugar
[Fat / gluten / insert any other type of food] is bad for me
I shouldn’t eat carbs at night
I have to go for a run to burn off that chocolate I just ate
I should avoid snacking between meals
I already had a serve of dinner, I can’t go back for seconds
I shouldn’t have a slice of cake even though it’s a birthday
…as you can see, they often include with words like should, shouldn’t, must or can’t. They’re also very prescriptive, rigid, black and white, all or nothing, and focus on a scarcity mentality rather than an abundance mentality (i.e. what to eliminate or take away, rather than what to include or enjoy). They might seem harmless to some, but essentially what they do is get you to focus on external factors to decide your food choices rather than internal ones. They also take a very minimalist approach to food by only viewing food in terms of nutrients, calories and very narrow aspects of health…yet ignore other important factors like joy, satisfaction, appetite and socialising. Not to mention they set you up for failure - you’ll inevitably ‘break’ these rules in one way or another – leaving you feeling guilty, shameful, disappointed in yourself and likely wanting to do to things like restrict, binge or punish yourself in some way or another.
SO…here’s my task for you – over the next few days, notice any food rules that pop up and jot them down on a piece of paper or in the notes section of your phone. Then set aside about twenty minutes to sit down and really think about them. Ask yourself these questions:
Where did this belief or rule come from? Your childhood? Something someone said on tv or social media? A friend or family member?
Are they actually true? How do you know they’re true? Can you prove, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that they’re true?
How much is this rule or belief impacting your life? What emotions arise when you think about it? How much is it stopping you from actually enjoying food (and life)?
What would it be like if you didn’t live by this rule?
A key step is to then shift these rules and reframe them into something more positive and helpful. Instead of thinking about what you supposedly should be doing, tune in to what you feel like and know that you have a choice. Here are some examples of reframes.
I’m allowed to eat whenever I want
I have full autonomy in making my own food choices
I can eat [insert food here] whenever I feel like it
I am worthy of feeling nourished and satisfied by food
I am always worthy of food
I’m learning to trust myself with food
I’m learning to listen to what hunger and fullness feel like to me
I’m learning to trust my body
These are all really important questions to ask and you might find that there’s actually a lot to explore and unpack. Working on something like food rules (and your relationship with food in general) is a slow and steady process – there’ll likely be ups and downs, steps forward and steps backward as you unpack it all. Know that this is normal (and in fact – the ‘downs’ or ‘backsteps’ can in fact provide really useful insights). Give yourself kudos for the self awareness you’re building, the progress your making and your desire in general to work through it all. If this is something you’re currently working on, I’d highly recommend you do so with the help of a professional who specialises in this area to help guide you and be a source of support. Of course, I’m always here to reach out to if you wish x
